Monday, June 30, 2008
Off for a jaunt
Around Pennsylvania, at the very least taking in Gettysburg & Valley Forge, the highlights of Philadelphia (Liberty Bell, Congressional Hall), and some Amish goodies in Lancaster County. Place names in PA are a funny mixture of highly familiar (Carlisle, Lancaster, York), Native American (Loyalsock, Susquehanna), and slightly comical Germanic (Mifflinberg). I'm sure my in-laws will get a kick out of me reading Maisie books to my niece and nephew in an Edinburgh accent, I hope it's enough offset my sophomoric giggling at every other town name, and insistence on taking photographs of road signs that tickle my fancy.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Yellow Fluorescence Becomes Her
I'm wearing makeup today because Wednesday was our third wedding anniversary, and after work today we're going to go out for sushi and a movie to celebrate.
This is the first time in two years that I have put makeup on for fun, because I felt like eyeshadow and sparkly eyeliner, without the foremost though being "I could use some concealer on that scar, I don't want to look like madame knife-fight for this event". After the surgery I made a conscious decision not to begin wearing makeup everyday, because it felt like camouflage, it felt like trying to sanitize myself so as not to unsettle people with the marks of The Big C. I was never a daily makeup wearer, why change?
I did change though, I still put on makeup for events or parties, but my focus shifted from having fun playing up my baby blues to painting out the flaws in the hopes of passing for undamaged. Melodramatic language yes, but it's how I felt. The scar is still the first thing I see almost every time I look in a mirror. Not every time though, I'm making progress, I'm beginning to catch myself glancing in a mirror, patting down a stray hair, or smoothing my eyebrows, and going about my business without even scanning my cheek.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Not in Kansas any more
Gunshots! Across the street! Two of them! Matt was by the window and heard the ka-chunk of the next round chambering (ex-military, grew up in hunting country, knows gun noises), he leapt up, got out of view of the window, and called 911. We are waiting for police to show up, they'll want to interview him, since he called them.
Oh, apparently our street is cordoned off, and swarming with police. This is reassuring: immediate police presence in response to gunfire.
I'm a little stunned, I'm thinking of the other times we've heard a loud *crack* sound from that apartment complex and discounted it as illegal firecrackers, rather than illegal weapons.
Oh, apparently our street is cordoned off, and swarming with police. This is reassuring: immediate police presence in response to gunfire.
I'm a little stunned, I'm thinking of the other times we've heard a loud *crack* sound from that apartment complex and discounted it as illegal firecrackers, rather than illegal weapons.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Planes, trains and automobiles, though not in that order
My Mum flew into LA last week, visiting for Granny's birthday. I took Friday off work and drove to LAX straight after work on Thursday. After 3 hours of driving directly into the low evening sun my seared eyeballs and I rolled up at the airport at 8.01, a minute before her plane was scheduled to land. I called Matt, so he could check the flight status online for me. It read "diverted". Visions of having to drive to Arizona (or Idaho, or Canada...) to rescue my mother from a night in a motel quickly developed into wondering if "diverted" meant "hijacked". I swiftly parked and went to find an airline employee before my imagination completely took over.
Blah blah storm in Midwest delayed incoming plane blah blah takeoff 4 hours late blah blah low on fuel (umm...low on fuel?) blah blah stopping in Phoenix to gas up...will land at half past midnight. Maybe. The good part being that she was still going to be landing at the right airport, and I didn't have to hang about for half-hourly updates; the bad part being 4-5 hour delay, landing after midnight, followed by a 3 hour drive back to San Diego. I decided to go see a movie, just to kill the time, because 4-5 hours of knitting and reading a magazine in horrible airport air and fluorescent light would have left me in bad shape for the drive back. Finding a cinema involved using Matt, and Matt's laptop (back at home) as a makeshift GPS, where I drove up Sepulveda Blvd, calling out the cross streets and he tried to find me on Google Maps, then find a cinema we could be reasonably certain was a mainstream one, not a sketchy adult movie house. I ended up at the Pacific Theater in Culver City, in a very charming little entertainment zone with stylish people dining al fresco, a few shops selling very designed looking furniture, and a fountain outside the cinema. I was very glad that my jaunt didn't take me to a bad neighborhood, as I left the movie at midnight to go back to LAX.
Mum landed, tired but fairly chipper, and had no checked luggage, so we could go straight out to the car and get on the road. Some ibuprofen helped me make the drive back without a splitting headache at the end of it, and we got home at 3.30am. Ugh. The next morning we were all up at about 7, as Matt was working that day, and we had hair appointments. The weekend got much better from then. Ending with putting Mum on a train for LA, where she is now visiting with her sister.
I saw (most of) Iron Man by the way, did not expect to enjoy it, but it was really good.
Blah blah storm in Midwest delayed incoming plane blah blah takeoff 4 hours late blah blah low on fuel (umm...low on fuel?) blah blah stopping in Phoenix to gas up...will land at half past midnight. Maybe. The good part being that she was still going to be landing at the right airport, and I didn't have to hang about for half-hourly updates; the bad part being 4-5 hour delay, landing after midnight, followed by a 3 hour drive back to San Diego. I decided to go see a movie, just to kill the time, because 4-5 hours of knitting and reading a magazine in horrible airport air and fluorescent light would have left me in bad shape for the drive back. Finding a cinema involved using Matt, and Matt's laptop (back at home) as a makeshift GPS, where I drove up Sepulveda Blvd, calling out the cross streets and he tried to find me on Google Maps, then find a cinema we could be reasonably certain was a mainstream one, not a sketchy adult movie house. I ended up at the Pacific Theater in Culver City, in a very charming little entertainment zone with stylish people dining al fresco, a few shops selling very designed looking furniture, and a fountain outside the cinema. I was very glad that my jaunt didn't take me to a bad neighborhood, as I left the movie at midnight to go back to LAX.
Mum landed, tired but fairly chipper, and had no checked luggage, so we could go straight out to the car and get on the road. Some ibuprofen helped me make the drive back without a splitting headache at the end of it, and we got home at 3.30am. Ugh. The next morning we were all up at about 7, as Matt was working that day, and we had hair appointments. The weekend got much better from then. Ending with putting Mum on a train for LA, where she is now visiting with her sister.
I saw (most of) Iron Man by the way, did not expect to enjoy it, but it was really good.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Meme: 63 random questions
Copied from K.
1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be? Somebody with good news, I always feel guilty when my phone rings, I'm convinced it's going to be someone reminding me of a commitment I have missed.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Now' I'm in California, I return my cart, though usually I'm cart-less and using my own eco-warrior basket. In the UK I happily returned my trolley to the correct place.
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I'm either very much one or the other, depending on who I'm talking to. I either end up telling my life story, or having a life story told to me.
4. Do you take compliments well? Not really, I'm trying to learn to believe them.
5. Do you play Sudoku? I keep intending to try.
6. If abandoned alone in the wildernedd, would you survive? If I had Matt with me, I think so, if I didn't...maybe, through thinking of what Matt would tell me to do. If I had a knife. I should start hiking with knife, maybe also GPS.
7. Do you like to ride horses? Yes, but I have very bad luck with them, I'm a complete beginner and I seem to get stuck with the wild one or the sleepy one, I broke my arm pony-trekking because the instructors didn't check that the girth was tight enough. I want to learn to ride properly some day.
8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Primary Seven camp, pretty similar to the US sixth grade camp experiences from what I've heard. I hated a lot of it, the gully scramble was exciting at first, but utterly miserable by the end, and some girls from another school decided to make me that week's Xtreme Bullying target for the week.
9. What was your favorite game as a kid? Dress-up, and solo make-believe in my garden.
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it? Hah! Nope. I find it pretty ridiculous that this is seen as a major moral conundrum. Spoken-for = not and option, therefore NOT SEXY. Sexiness depends a great deal on availability.
11. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Probably, if they were ok with me keeping my different opinions.
12. Do any songs make you cry? Yes, and films.
13. Are you continuing your education? As we speak. (type)
14. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Aim, squeeze trigger. Some guns I know how to check the safety, I once knew how to dismantle a military rifle (RAF Royal Officers Training Core), and I'm a good shot. I strenuously object to personal firearms, but am married to a man who aims to own a muzzle-loader (does that count as differing religion?).
15. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? Husband, cats, photographs/negatives, box of "important documents", then I'd dither about my wedding dress and probably settle by grabbing my jewelry box and the William Morris tapestry I spent five months completing. Matt would have the same order, only add in guitars & kilts and delete wedding dress. I've had a chance to think about these things, with the wild fires etc.
16. How often do you read books? Most days, unless I'm working on back issues of New Scientist. Funny story: a chap once followed me into a book shop on Oxford Street to chat me up, his line was "so...you read a lot of books?". I took this as evidence that he did not read many books. He followed up with a comment on my being "built". I took this as further evidence that he was not a literary type.
17. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Yes. I think a lot.
18. What is your favorite children's book? White Rabbit's Wedding, and the Quangle Wangle Quee.
19. What color are your eyes? Bluegreygreen or greybluegreen.
20. How tall are you? 5'8"
21. Where is your dream house located? Impossible fantasy: somewhere walking distance from my entire family (variously located in SoCal, Pennsylvania, Edinburgh, Berlin, Barcelona, Aix en Provence & Sydney) with an ocean view and a nearby forest.
Potentially possible wishlist: Something historic in the Dean Village or Duddingston, Edinburgh, something colonial with big ancient trees in Pennsylvania, something Mission Style with a garden and a view, on the Westernish slopes of Mt Helix, near San Diego.
22. Do you have a secret fetish? It's a secret.
23. Have you tried sushi? Yes, but the best kind is tempura-fried, which makes it not exactly sushi.
24. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, they're fun, but unflattering.
25. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Haven't been, I like my Italian food less chainy.
26. When was the last time you were at Church? Um. My sister-in-law's wedding in 2003.
27. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Cafe & Farmer's market in La Mesa, 4 miles. It's Sunday, work is 22 miles away.
28. What was your favorite job? This one.
29. Do you like mustard? I have yet to meet a mustard I do not like.
30. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? What's on the menu?
31. Do you look like your mom or dad? Both. Looking more and more like my Mum.
32. How long does it take you in the shower. 10-15 minutes.
33. Can you do splits? Nope. I can touch my toes though.
34. What movie do you want to see right now? Prince Indiana Caspian Jones of the Crystal Skull
35. If you could fast forward your life, would you? No! I might be tempted if I were offered a selective rewind.
36. What did you do for New Year's? Fell asleep in my hallway. The carpet is quite comfortable there.
37. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Some disturbing images, which is why I left Matt to watch it and went to read in the bedroom. I couldn't be bothered being freaked out.
38. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls? No.
39. Do you own a camera phone? Yes, but I haven't tried to figure out how to get the photos/videos onto my computer.
40. Do you have an "ex box" with pics and letters from past lovers? No, that would be a little strange.
41. Was your mom a cheerleader? Californian, yes, blond, yes, cheerleader, no.
42. What's the last letter of your middle name? e, e, and d
43. Do you like your middle name? Yes, all of 'em.
44. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 6-8, with occasional catch-up epic 10-12 nights.
45. Do you like care bears? Meh.
46. What do you buy at the movies? Unsweetened iced tea, or nothing.
47. Do you know how to play poker? No.
48. Do you wear your seat belt? I can't imagine a reason NOT to.
49. What do you wear to sleep? Knit bottoms and a tank top, with optional long sleeved over top if it's chilly.
50. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Since I've lived here there have been two enormous wildfires and several minor earthquakes. We've got a world famous zoo and a lot of films have been shot hereabouts. My original hometown is much older, and a capital city with castle, so lots of big political and battley things happened there, not to mention real-life grave-robbers, highwaymen, the inspiration for the characters Sherlock Holmes AND Dr Jekyll, and the invention of a little thing called Disinfectant.
51. How many meals do you eat a day? Three.
52. Is your tongue pierced? No.
53. Do you like funny or serious people better? Both, but it's better when people have both traits.
54. Ever been to L.A.? Several times, going there in two weeks. I have family there.
55. Did you eat a cookie today? No. I had chocolate-covered cheesecake on Friday, that's quite enough for a few days.
56. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I still buy CDs. I like owning the cover art.
57. Do you hate chocolate? Hah! I hate when it runs out...
58. What do you and your parents fight about the most? Not much now, when I was younger it pretty much always boiled down to a battle of wills.
59. Are you a gullible person? Not for facts, but I do tend to give people's characters the benefit of the doubt. This has sometimes led to being taken advantage of emotionally.
60. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No. Good friends are pretty essential though.
61. If you could have any job what would it be? If I could make a living as a potter, I would, but realistically: an Epidemiologist in a position to influence communities for the good.
62. Are you easy to get along with? Usually, some undergrads have found me intimidating, but I think that's because I'm training them and don't let them get away with being intellectually lazy.
63. What is your favourite time of day? Late afternoon/evening. Or moonlight nights.
Thus ends the randomness.
1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be? Somebody with good news, I always feel guilty when my phone rings, I'm convinced it's going to be someone reminding me of a commitment I have missed.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Now' I'm in California, I return my cart, though usually I'm cart-less and using my own eco-warrior basket. In the UK I happily returned my trolley to the correct place.
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I'm either very much one or the other, depending on who I'm talking to. I either end up telling my life story, or having a life story told to me.
4. Do you take compliments well? Not really, I'm trying to learn to believe them.
5. Do you play Sudoku? I keep intending to try.
6. If abandoned alone in the wildernedd, would you survive? If I had Matt with me, I think so, if I didn't...maybe, through thinking of what Matt would tell me to do. If I had a knife. I should start hiking with knife, maybe also GPS.
7. Do you like to ride horses? Yes, but I have very bad luck with them, I'm a complete beginner and I seem to get stuck with the wild one or the sleepy one, I broke my arm pony-trekking because the instructors didn't check that the girth was tight enough. I want to learn to ride properly some day.
8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Primary Seven camp, pretty similar to the US sixth grade camp experiences from what I've heard. I hated a lot of it, the gully scramble was exciting at first, but utterly miserable by the end, and some girls from another school decided to make me that week's Xtreme Bullying target for the week.
9. What was your favorite game as a kid? Dress-up, and solo make-believe in my garden.
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it? Hah! Nope. I find it pretty ridiculous that this is seen as a major moral conundrum. Spoken-for = not and option, therefore NOT SEXY. Sexiness depends a great deal on availability.
11. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Probably, if they were ok with me keeping my different opinions.
12. Do any songs make you cry? Yes, and films.
13. Are you continuing your education? As we speak. (type)
14. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Aim, squeeze trigger. Some guns I know how to check the safety, I once knew how to dismantle a military rifle (RAF Royal Officers Training Core), and I'm a good shot. I strenuously object to personal firearms, but am married to a man who aims to own a muzzle-loader (does that count as differing religion?).
15. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? Husband, cats, photographs/negatives, box of "important documents", then I'd dither about my wedding dress and probably settle by grabbing my jewelry box and the William Morris tapestry I spent five months completing. Matt would have the same order, only add in guitars & kilts and delete wedding dress. I've had a chance to think about these things, with the wild fires etc.
16. How often do you read books? Most days, unless I'm working on back issues of New Scientist. Funny story: a chap once followed me into a book shop on Oxford Street to chat me up, his line was "so...you read a lot of books?". I took this as evidence that he did not read many books. He followed up with a comment on my being "built". I took this as further evidence that he was not a literary type.
17. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Yes. I think a lot.
18. What is your favorite children's book? White Rabbit's Wedding, and the Quangle Wangle Quee.
19. What color are your eyes? Bluegreygreen or greybluegreen.
20. How tall are you? 5'8"
21. Where is your dream house located? Impossible fantasy: somewhere walking distance from my entire family (variously located in SoCal, Pennsylvania, Edinburgh, Berlin, Barcelona, Aix en Provence & Sydney) with an ocean view and a nearby forest.
Potentially possible wishlist: Something historic in the Dean Village or Duddingston, Edinburgh, something colonial with big ancient trees in Pennsylvania, something Mission Style with a garden and a view, on the Westernish slopes of Mt Helix, near San Diego.
22. Do you have a secret fetish? It's a secret.
23. Have you tried sushi? Yes, but the best kind is tempura-fried, which makes it not exactly sushi.
24. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, they're fun, but unflattering.
25. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Haven't been, I like my Italian food less chainy.
26. When was the last time you were at Church? Um. My sister-in-law's wedding in 2003.
27. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Cafe & Farmer's market in La Mesa, 4 miles. It's Sunday, work is 22 miles away.
28. What was your favorite job? This one.
29. Do you like mustard? I have yet to meet a mustard I do not like.
30. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? What's on the menu?
31. Do you look like your mom or dad? Both. Looking more and more like my Mum.
32. How long does it take you in the shower. 10-15 minutes.
33. Can you do splits? Nope. I can touch my toes though.
34. What movie do you want to see right now? Prince Indiana Caspian Jones of the Crystal Skull
35. If you could fast forward your life, would you? No! I might be tempted if I were offered a selective rewind.
36. What did you do for New Year's? Fell asleep in my hallway. The carpet is quite comfortable there.
37. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Some disturbing images, which is why I left Matt to watch it and went to read in the bedroom. I couldn't be bothered being freaked out.
38. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls? No.
39. Do you own a camera phone? Yes, but I haven't tried to figure out how to get the photos/videos onto my computer.
40. Do you have an "ex box" with pics and letters from past lovers? No, that would be a little strange.
41. Was your mom a cheerleader? Californian, yes, blond, yes, cheerleader, no.
42. What's the last letter of your middle name? e, e, and d
43. Do you like your middle name? Yes, all of 'em.
44. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 6-8, with occasional catch-up epic 10-12 nights.
45. Do you like care bears? Meh.
46. What do you buy at the movies? Unsweetened iced tea, or nothing.
47. Do you know how to play poker? No.
48. Do you wear your seat belt? I can't imagine a reason NOT to.
49. What do you wear to sleep? Knit bottoms and a tank top, with optional long sleeved over top if it's chilly.
50. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Since I've lived here there have been two enormous wildfires and several minor earthquakes. We've got a world famous zoo and a lot of films have been shot hereabouts. My original hometown is much older, and a capital city with castle, so lots of big political and battley things happened there, not to mention real-life grave-robbers, highwaymen, the inspiration for the characters Sherlock Holmes AND Dr Jekyll, and the invention of a little thing called Disinfectant.
51. How many meals do you eat a day? Three.
52. Is your tongue pierced? No.
53. Do you like funny or serious people better? Both, but it's better when people have both traits.
54. Ever been to L.A.? Several times, going there in two weeks. I have family there.
55. Did you eat a cookie today? No. I had chocolate-covered cheesecake on Friday, that's quite enough for a few days.
56. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I still buy CDs. I like owning the cover art.
57. Do you hate chocolate? Hah! I hate when it runs out...
58. What do you and your parents fight about the most? Not much now, when I was younger it pretty much always boiled down to a battle of wills.
59. Are you a gullible person? Not for facts, but I do tend to give people's characters the benefit of the doubt. This has sometimes led to being taken advantage of emotionally.
60. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No. Good friends are pretty essential though.
61. If you could have any job what would it be? If I could make a living as a potter, I would, but realistically: an Epidemiologist in a position to influence communities for the good.
62. Are you easy to get along with? Usually, some undergrads have found me intimidating, but I think that's because I'm training them and don't let them get away with being intellectually lazy.
63. What is your favourite time of day? Late afternoon/evening. Or moonlight nights.
Thus ends the randomness.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Acronymious
At work, DPN = Diabetic Peripheral Neuropathy. In my head (and in knitting) DPN = Double Pointed Needles.
This leads to my reading a journal article sentence thus: "Pre-clinical studies in diabetic rodent models have shown that Double Pointed Needle is the result of a complex network of interrelated vascular, metabolic, and neurotrophic defects..."
This leads to my reading a journal article sentence thus: "Pre-clinical studies in diabetic rodent models have shown that Double Pointed Needle is the result of a complex network of interrelated vascular, metabolic, and neurotrophic defects..."
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Thank You Mr President
When I first heard that the government had decided to send a $600 check to every taxpayer within a certain income range to alleviate the economic situation I honestly thought that it was a satirical comment. Made up. Swiftian proposal-style. Putting the government into further debt just to give people about a month's rent is certainly not going to fix the lack of a livable minimum wage, the credit crunch, the deflating housing bubble, or the rising cost of living. The people who need help are in serious trouble, way more than $600 per adult and $300 per child. Nevertheless, $1,200 landed in our joint checking account last week. I momentarily contemplated all the lovely shiny things (or fluffy things: that's a lot of alpaca and silk) I could buy with it, then resolutely ignored my patriotic duty as an American Consumer to spend spend spend and paid down a student loan.
Of course, later this year Matt and I plan to use part of my student loan money to replace our carpet...but for the next few months thats a grand not accruing interest, and I am extremely glad that we are in a situation where the "Economic Stimulus Package" is a nice bonus, not an insulting droplet in an ocean of financial woes.
My final grades are supposed to be posted in 5 days, I'm checking at least once a day just in case they get posted early. It's very nice to be able to go home after pilates, instead of rushing off to campus. I spent 20 minutes in the sauna after my workout on Tuesday, and today I will either do the same, or stick around for the turbo-kick class. It depends on how strong I feel after pilates. I need to get some intense cardiovascular stuff going, my muscles are improving, but my jeans are still tight, and it's uncomfortable. I originally typed "I'm sick of my jeans feeling tight" but you know what? it's not the end of the world, it's just unpleasant, and I can do something about it, in fact I am doing something about it: I joined SparkPeople, and I'm calorie counting again, so far it's not driving me batty, just keeping me from fooling myself that I really can have every cookie that's offered and beer with dinner and start to loose weight.
*Edited to add* Some grades are now up, I got A's in Biostatistics and Chronic Disease, now I'm just waiting to hear about the tricky one: Health Admin. Yay!
Of course, later this year Matt and I plan to use part of my student loan money to replace our carpet...but for the next few months thats a grand not accruing interest, and I am extremely glad that we are in a situation where the "Economic Stimulus Package" is a nice bonus, not an insulting droplet in an ocean of financial woes.
My final grades are supposed to be posted in 5 days, I'm checking at least once a day just in case they get posted early. It's very nice to be able to go home after pilates, instead of rushing off to campus. I spent 20 minutes in the sauna after my workout on Tuesday, and today I will either do the same, or stick around for the turbo-kick class. It depends on how strong I feel after pilates. I need to get some intense cardiovascular stuff going, my muscles are improving, but my jeans are still tight, and it's uncomfortable. I originally typed "I'm sick of my jeans feeling tight" but you know what? it's not the end of the world, it's just unpleasant, and I can do something about it, in fact I am doing something about it: I joined SparkPeople, and I'm calorie counting again, so far it's not driving me batty, just keeping me from fooling myself that I really can have every cookie that's offered and beer with dinner and start to loose weight.
*Edited to add* Some grades are now up, I got A's in Biostatistics and Chronic Disease, now I'm just waiting to hear about the tricky one: Health Admin. Yay!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Nine Units Down (almost)
Last final today, in Health Administration, I am exhausted. I ended up calling in sick from work yesterday and today so I could rest up and fend off this sore throat/headache/migraine in time for this last exam. The biostatistics final exam was rather epic. It was straightforward enough to me, since it was open book there were not horrible formulae to memorize, and I was rather pleased with how I was able to pick the procedures without referring to the giant flowchart in the back of the textbook, but the exam started at 7pm, I'm normally a fast test-taker, and I left the room at 9.30. I was only about the third person to finish and leave. My study mate for that class called me the next day to say that many people stayed till 10.30pm! The professor evidently misjudged the length.
Tomorrow I've got a vacation day scheduled, and I will be visiting my friend Mike, who is also a massage therapist, and has a hot tub at his house. The genius man called me this morning to remind me to bring my suit so I can relax in the hot tub before he gives me a massage! Bliss!
Tomorrow I've got a vacation day scheduled, and I will be visiting my friend Mike, who is also a massage therapist, and has a hot tub at his house. The genius man called me this morning to remind me to bring my suit so I can relax in the hot tub before he gives me a massage! Bliss!
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Less stinking
I told the story to a couple of (young, female) coworkers, and they took much more exception to the response ("is that a prediction?") than to the initial statement. But they expressed concern at the whole exchange, and the general atmosphere (as reported by me) in that lab. This made me feel better: it's not just me being sensitive, and it's not just me thinking that I can't really call them on this incident.
The term "raped" is used in SoCal where I'm used to hearing "screwed" or "buggered", which, I suppose, technically have very similar meanings. I've heard people use it before, and always been very shocked, Mat even used it once when referring to to unpleasant financing terms on a car loan, but after seeing me turn green he never used it again.
I suppose the upshot of this little episode is that I have learned two things: I am hypersensitive due to my personal history, and it's worth it to tell a contemporary when I feel uncomfortable, chances are she'll agree with me, but reporting to supervisors doesn't always make a difference.
The term "raped" is used in SoCal where I'm used to hearing "screwed" or "buggered", which, I suppose, technically have very similar meanings. I've heard people use it before, and always been very shocked, Mat even used it once when referring to to unpleasant financing terms on a car loan, but after seeing me turn green he never used it again.
I suppose the upshot of this little episode is that I have learned two things: I am hypersensitive due to my personal history, and it's worth it to tell a contemporary when I feel uncomfortable, chances are she'll agree with me, but reporting to supervisors doesn't always make a difference.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I am stinking mad
I was over in another lab picking up samples, which involved searching through three large disorganized freezers. I went through all three twice before I found everything I needed.
That's not why I'm mad.
The guy who works in that lab is a pig. I always thought he was a tolerable pig, the freezers are all named after porn stars, but he left me alone, only teased the girls who went along with his sexist jokes, and was pleasantly big-brotherly to a young woman he supervises. I'll call her X. As I was rooting through the freezers, conversation fell to fuel prices, how much we each pay to fill up our cars, and what mileage they get. X drives a German car, and gets TERRIBLE mileage, worse than any of us expected to hear from that car, we all paused to marvel at how much she must be spending on gas. Then the pig chuckles to himself and says to another guy in the room "Heh, X is getting raped". Pig #2 chuckles back and says "is that a prediction...?"
I don't know if X heard. She was on the other side of the room, and it's a noisy room. I heard.
Did I call them on it? Did I tell them to apologize to X and myself, and to imagine how they'd feel if they heard some guys joking about their sister, mother or partner being raped?
No. I bit my tongue and kept looking for my samples. I fought down a panic attack. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry, to scream, to give him just an inkling of the level of pain caused by an offhand remark on that subject, but I could not let him see he'd actually affected me. I ran through scenarios in my head: could I complain to their boss? My boss? Would it change anything? I don't know. It's one isolated incident, it would mean creating a big stink when I don't even have to work around the pig. X does, she's exposed to misogynist girls-gone-wild crap all the time in that room, and evidently, the occasional jest about her potential violation.
These guys should be made to watch documentaries about survivors of sexual abuse. They need to realize that, with this behaviour, they are part of the machine that chews women up and spits them out all over the world. It makes me sick that for all my feminist viewpoints, when it came down to it, I bit my tongue and got on with my work. I'm honestly not sure if I'm picking my battles with this, or just chickening out on my principals.
That's not why I'm mad.
The guy who works in that lab is a pig. I always thought he was a tolerable pig, the freezers are all named after porn stars, but he left me alone, only teased the girls who went along with his sexist jokes, and was pleasantly big-brotherly to a young woman he supervises. I'll call her X. As I was rooting through the freezers, conversation fell to fuel prices, how much we each pay to fill up our cars, and what mileage they get. X drives a German car, and gets TERRIBLE mileage, worse than any of us expected to hear from that car, we all paused to marvel at how much she must be spending on gas. Then the pig chuckles to himself and says to another guy in the room "Heh, X is getting raped". Pig #2 chuckles back and says "is that a prediction...?"
I don't know if X heard. She was on the other side of the room, and it's a noisy room. I heard.
Did I call them on it? Did I tell them to apologize to X and myself, and to imagine how they'd feel if they heard some guys joking about their sister, mother or partner being raped?
No. I bit my tongue and kept looking for my samples. I fought down a panic attack. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry, to scream, to give him just an inkling of the level of pain caused by an offhand remark on that subject, but I could not let him see he'd actually affected me. I ran through scenarios in my head: could I complain to their boss? My boss? Would it change anything? I don't know. It's one isolated incident, it would mean creating a big stink when I don't even have to work around the pig. X does, she's exposed to misogynist girls-gone-wild crap all the time in that room, and evidently, the occasional jest about her potential violation.
These guys should be made to watch documentaries about survivors of sexual abuse. They need to realize that, with this behaviour, they are part of the machine that chews women up and spits them out all over the world. It makes me sick that for all my feminist viewpoints, when it came down to it, I bit my tongue and got on with my work. I'm honestly not sure if I'm picking my battles with this, or just chickening out on my principals.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Raising the Training Wheels
I recently graduated from biweekly to monthly counseling. After about a year, with the antidepressants working really well, and the emotional boost from successfully applying for my MPH program, I started to think that I wouldn't have much to talk about every two weeks, and it would help my schedule to scale back too. My counselor brought it up as I was preparing to start classes, and I agreed.
When I first sought counseling (well, the first time since moving to San Diego), I went only once a month, and it was useless. So much was going on in my life, and my emotions, that I'd have some crisis at the two-week point, struggle through it, and then be too distanced from it by the time I got back to see my counselor to figure out what had caused the emotional crash. My sessions would turn into "well, I was having a horrible time two weeks ago, but I'm FINE now..." So when I decided to approach counseling as a however-long-it-takes proposition, we started weekly, quickly found that was too often, and settled into a biweekly routine. My sessions would send me off in a positive frame of mind, set up well for the week, then as challenges presented themselves, my next meeting with the warm, ironic woman in the rainbow sweater was only (at worst) 10 days away, and I would picture myself telling her about what was going on, and it helped me get through without a meltdown. Often it got me through without even getting close to a meltdown.
Now the monthly cycle (not THAT monthly cycle) seems to be working, I am still getting a bit more harried at about the two-week point, my emotional stability must have a 14 day refractory period or something, but I am spotting problems in time, and while I am still able to force myself to take a look at what's really going on. I have to take a bit of time to myself to calm down and sort out the negative thoughts. I feel like the training wheels are still there, I can ( and do) wobble more but there's something there to prevent me from falling completely over, so I can stand the wobbling while I learn to balance by myself.
I am stressed out, but less depressed/anxious. I also know why I'm stressed out: I'm busy and working hard! I make more sense to myself than I did this time last year.
When I first sought counseling (well, the first time since moving to San Diego), I went only once a month, and it was useless. So much was going on in my life, and my emotions, that I'd have some crisis at the two-week point, struggle through it, and then be too distanced from it by the time I got back to see my counselor to figure out what had caused the emotional crash. My sessions would turn into "well, I was having a horrible time two weeks ago, but I'm FINE now..." So when I decided to approach counseling as a however-long-it-takes proposition, we started weekly, quickly found that was too often, and settled into a biweekly routine. My sessions would send me off in a positive frame of mind, set up well for the week, then as challenges presented themselves, my next meeting with the warm, ironic woman in the rainbow sweater was only (at worst) 10 days away, and I would picture myself telling her about what was going on, and it helped me get through without a meltdown. Often it got me through without even getting close to a meltdown.
Now the monthly cycle (not THAT monthly cycle) seems to be working, I am still getting a bit more harried at about the two-week point, my emotional stability must have a 14 day refractory period or something, but I am spotting problems in time, and while I am still able to force myself to take a look at what's really going on. I have to take a bit of time to myself to calm down and sort out the negative thoughts. I feel like the training wheels are still there, I can ( and do) wobble more but there's something there to prevent me from falling completely over, so I can stand the wobbling while I learn to balance by myself.
I am stressed out, but less depressed/anxious. I also know why I'm stressed out: I'm busy and working hard! I make more sense to myself than I did this time last year.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Job #1, Job #2
I'm in the process of lining up "fieldwork" for the summer for my Master's program. I know this conjures up images of wellington boots, butterfly nets, fishing rods, mud, and...fields, but in my case it's more likely to mean an office with a computer, a pile of reports, surveys, or case studies, and a big fat database into which I distill the important information contained in the pile. The prospect of the office having a real window is exciting, my current office is in the basement, and the lab is in the interior of the building, thus windowless.
Right now I'm hoping I end up in a County program addressing domestic violence, run by a DPH (Doctorate of Public Health) whom I have heard speak twice, as a guest lecturer on the epidemiology of violence. It won't be a lot of hours each week, probably two mornings, a little less than a full working day per week, but it will mean I start work work at about noon on those days, then head towards home about eight in the evening. This sounded crazy until I compared it to my current schedule, where I get home around nine two nights a week. On those days I head out the door in the morning carrying five bags: purse, small briefcase, gym bag, lunch bag, and second "lunch" bag, an insulated one with a cold pack in it, to preserve my evening meal until I arrive on campus after my workout.
This new schedule will have me home just before nine two nights a week, around 7 another two (after working out), and at about 5pm on Fridays, which will also be the day I carpool with my husband. Not to mention NO HOMEWORK for internships. Practically a summer vacation now I think of it.
Humans can talk themselves into anything.
Right now I'm hoping I end up in a County program addressing domestic violence, run by a DPH (Doctorate of Public Health) whom I have heard speak twice, as a guest lecturer on the epidemiology of violence. It won't be a lot of hours each week, probably two mornings, a little less than a full working day per week, but it will mean I start work work at about noon on those days, then head towards home about eight in the evening. This sounded crazy until I compared it to my current schedule, where I get home around nine two nights a week. On those days I head out the door in the morning carrying five bags: purse, small briefcase, gym bag, lunch bag, and second "lunch" bag, an insulated one with a cold pack in it, to preserve my evening meal until I arrive on campus after my workout.
This new schedule will have me home just before nine two nights a week, around 7 another two (after working out), and at about 5pm on Fridays, which will also be the day I carpool with my husband. Not to mention NO HOMEWORK for internships. Practically a summer vacation now I think of it.
Humans can talk themselves into anything.
Friday, April 04, 2008
sod's_law
qwertyuiop[]\
asdfghjkl;'
zxcvbnm,./
=/*789-456+123.0
`1234567890-=
spilled
tea
on
keyboard
at
work
everythingworks
exceptthespacebar
asdfghjkl;'
zxcvbnm,./
=/*789-456+123.0
`1234567890-=
spilled
tea
on
keyboard
at
work
everythingworks
exceptthespacebar
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Home improvement is good exercise.
We now have laminate floor in our bedroom. I have very sore thighs from kneeling and crouching all weekend installing it, I am impressed that I managed to clear most of the furniture out of the bedroom by myself on Friday, without putting my back out, and then put most of it back this afternoon, though I had to get Matt to handle the heaviest dresser drawers. This is the benefit of a five week habit of pilates twice a week.
The weekend had a nice finish, our good friends and neighbors L & G are clearing out their stash of crafts tools, we scored some calligraphy pens, a complete set of crochet hooks of every size, leather-tooling gadgets, and about an inch stack of Crane's writing paper. Plus, unexpected bonus hanging out with our friends for a drink and conversation while we prowled their stash like vultures.
Photos of the reflooring process to come, but considering we haven't downloaded from the camera since November...don't hold your breath. I know I'm not.
The weekend had a nice finish, our good friends and neighbors L & G are clearing out their stash of crafts tools, we scored some calligraphy pens, a complete set of crochet hooks of every size, leather-tooling gadgets, and about an inch stack of Crane's writing paper. Plus, unexpected bonus hanging out with our friends for a drink and conversation while we prowled their stash like vultures.
Photos of the reflooring process to come, but considering we haven't downloaded from the camera since November...don't hold your breath. I know I'm not.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
...fellow, well met
Hail!
It has hailed twice this afternoon, it came on very quickly, the first time mixed with rain, so it took us a while to realize what was making the *ping* noise on the BBQ, the second time, just dry hailstones the size of green peas or larger (almost 1cm across!). The kids in the flat across the green ran out, giggling, to experience it, then they pulled out bright yellow umbrellas with ducks faces painted on. We stood on our doormat, under the overhang of the balcony above, enjoying the novelty, and feeling the air drop temperature by the minute, until it dropped a little too much for sandals (Matt) and pajamas (me) and we retreated indoors for some spicy tea.
It has hailed twice this afternoon, it came on very quickly, the first time mixed with rain, so it took us a while to realize what was making the *ping* noise on the BBQ, the second time, just dry hailstones the size of green peas or larger (almost 1cm across!). The kids in the flat across the green ran out, giggling, to experience it, then they pulled out bright yellow umbrellas with ducks faces painted on. We stood on our doormat, under the overhang of the balcony above, enjoying the novelty, and feeling the air drop temperature by the minute, until it dropped a little too much for sandals (Matt) and pajamas (me) and we retreated indoors for some spicy tea.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Conversation with a Californian Undergraduate
CalUG: Where are you from, you have an accent?
Me: Edinburgh, Scotland, and I went to university in London.
CalUG: Oh WOW, I've always wanted to travel there! I want to do a year abroad in the UK!
Me: You should, it's a great experience, my cousin did a semester in Florence, and really enjoyed it, I did a year abroad too!
CalUG: Really, where did you go?
Me: Here.
CalUG:...*blank look*
Me: *waiting for it to sink in*
CalUG: Oooooh! Here is "abroad" for you!
Me: Yup, odd isn't it?
Actually she was bright and fun to talk to, some people I've had the same conversation with never get there themselves, and don't quite get it even when I point out that I was one of the UK students being exchanged for a US student, hence "exchange student". It was such a classic moment of watching her world view expand just a little bit. I'm used to people viewing my home town as a place to visit, and to go to university, it's a major holiday and student exchange destination. I'm used to thinking of "abroad" and "foreign" as relative terms, entirely subjective, it still surprises me when I realize that to a large majority they are absolute terms. Though I suppose that absolute definition of "other" does explain a lot about what goes on in the world.
Me: Edinburgh, Scotland, and I went to university in London.
CalUG: Oh WOW, I've always wanted to travel there! I want to do a year abroad in the UK!
Me: You should, it's a great experience, my cousin did a semester in Florence, and really enjoyed it, I did a year abroad too!
CalUG: Really, where did you go?
Me: Here.
CalUG:...*blank look*
Me: *waiting for it to sink in*
CalUG: Oooooh! Here is "abroad" for you!
Me: Yup, odd isn't it?
Actually she was bright and fun to talk to, some people I've had the same conversation with never get there themselves, and don't quite get it even when I point out that I was one of the UK students being exchanged for a US student, hence "exchange student". It was such a classic moment of watching her world view expand just a little bit. I'm used to people viewing my home town as a place to visit, and to go to university, it's a major holiday and student exchange destination. I'm used to thinking of "abroad" and "foreign" as relative terms, entirely subjective, it still surprises me when I realize that to a large majority they are absolute terms. Though I suppose that absolute definition of "other" does explain a lot about what goes on in the world.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Experimental Quiche
I found a pie crust in the freezer, some sharp cheddar that had dried out a little, and blueberries that need to be eaten....and I remembered how good blueberry beer tastes with cheddar. So it's in the oven right now, I hope it comes together!
This is based on the cheese and scallion quiche in the Vegetarian Epicure:
Pre-bake the pie crust for 7 minutes at 450F, while it is cooling, saute a very small yellow onion in olive oil, add a pinch of baker's yeast, spread the cooked onion in the base of the crust, add a few ounces of sharp cheddar, cut into 1cm cubes, the contents of a 3oz punnet of blueberries, salt & pepper. Whisk six eggs and about 4fl.oz. of half-and-half (light whipping cream) with nutmeg, salt and pepper, pour it into the quiche and bake at 450F for 15min, then 350F for 15min. Finger crossing optional.
This is based on the cheese and scallion quiche in the Vegetarian Epicure:
Pre-bake the pie crust for 7 minutes at 450F, while it is cooling, saute a very small yellow onion in olive oil, add a pinch of baker's yeast, spread the cooked onion in the base of the crust, add a few ounces of sharp cheddar, cut into 1cm cubes, the contents of a 3oz punnet of blueberries, salt & pepper. Whisk six eggs and about 4fl.oz. of half-and-half (light whipping cream) with nutmeg, salt and pepper, pour it into the quiche and bake at 450F for 15min, then 350F for 15min. Finger crossing optional.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Master of all he surveys
Not satisfied until reclining across my work space. Lets see if he can resist attacking my pen.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Small strokes of genius
1 - Figure out a schedule that gets me to work with minimal traffic and leaves actual time for the gym between work and evening classes on Tues and Thurs.
2 - Find an independent cafe (not s*bucks) near home with wireless internet and a decent breakfast menu. Declare new weekend ritual of coffee house study time.
3 - Tidy desk. Remove mystery objects that have been cluttering it, stuff them into a cardboard box for later sorting. Focus on reclaiming work space.
On Thursday I made it to work earlier, as planned, then got from work to the gym, and got changed with a few minutes to spare before pilates. The class made my achy back feel much better, though my lowest abdominal muscles are still wondering what hit them. I was so pleased with myself, getting to class on time after a workout, and discovering the added benefit that I was more energized than usual and felt I was paying better attention. I hope this effect also works on my Tuesday Biostats class, It is very hard to stay focused on biostatistics from 7pm till 9.30.
Yesterday we tried out a cafe in the next neighborhood over, Matt and I claimed a squishy leather couch facing the window and worked on our respective studies for several hours. It was a nice treat having a slice of quiche for breakfast, and somehow much easier to focus on work in the cafe than at home, with the cats being cute and the chores looming. The only potential fly in the ointment is that the cafe is surrounded by antique shops, boutiques, a bead shop and a knitting shop. I bought hand dyed sock yarn after four hours of biostatistics problems. This cannot become part of the weekly routine.
As this photo shows, I also cleared off the desk, so it can be used for desk-like purposes. I'm not actually a leftie, photobooth does a mirror-image thing with it's photos, that's really my right hand brandishing the trusty bic ballpoint.
All of these little changes make it easier to integrate my studies with work, and still, hopefully, keep my life running. I have yet to discover a trick to getting the laundry folded and put away the same day that it's washed and dried. Unfortunately I think the "trick" to that is rather labour intensive and involves folding my own knickers. Horror.
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