My Ass Is a Global Threat

No, I'm not having an attack of gas. I'm referring to the message projected by the outfit of a high-schooler I drove past this morning on my way to the freeway.

Again, I'm pretty sure that whatever you're thinking, I didn't see THAT. I am not about to post a rant ridiculing someone's large ass, that would be pretty darn hypocritical. I am about to ridicule what highschoolers wear, which is a much more socially acceptable form of rantage.

My first view of this girl was from behind, as I was creeping up a hill in a line of traffic and she was walking up the same hill. It looked like she was wearing a red plaid bodystocking with a black loin-cloth-style butt flap. That's why she caught my attention. For one thing, I figured a bodystocking would not be very warm in the chilly East County morning, or pass muster for school decency rules, but it was mostly because it was bright red plaid. Bright red plaid framing a large black rectangle hanging from her waist like a flag on a balcony.

As I got closer I realized that it was, in fact, thick leggings tucked into her sneakers, but the butt flap thing was still there, still just as weird. In fact, as I got closer I was able to read the message scrawled accross the rectangle of black canvas. It said GLOBAL THREAT in a scratchy spattered-paint looking font.

What type of fashion statement is being made by wearing a banner on your butt that says "GLOBAL THREAT"? I wonder if she got mocked for this outfit, or if her friends thought it was great, and themselves started to wear butt-banners with snappy slogans on them.

It's official: I'm a fuddy duddy. I'm bewildered by the clothing choices of teenagers. Though I still reckon it's ok to be bewildered by this particular fashion statement, it's only getting really bad if I start freaking out at kids with nose rings and spiky hair, or comment that someone needs a haircut and a nice shirt from the GAP to smarten them up a bit.

Stuffed Cat In Front Of Tree

Christmas 018
Originally uploaded by Rosemary Grace.

We took our tree down last week. Since we allowed ourselves to be corrupted into buying a PLASTIC tree there was no natural demise involving frequent showers of dry pine needles to indicate the tree had overstayed it's welcome. Instead we had the realization that Christmas was over two weeks gone.

Taking down a plastic tree is a bit strange: squishing the wired twigs back against the metal branches, turning the segment of tree upside-down to make the branches fold back agains the metal (but wrapped in green spikey plastic) trunk, then shoving the whole lot into a big cardboard box for next year. Sure it's handy, but there's definitely a lack of romance in the set-up and striking phases.

The cats managed not to destroy or knock over the tree. There's some suspiciously chewed-looking lower branches since they seemed to think the whole thing was a giant flossing device with sparkly stuff to biff at.

At some point Tali tried to climb INTO the tree from the arm of the chair. That didn't go so well. He ended up splatted on the floor tangled up in both tree lights and the cord for the venetian blind. It took him a little while to regain his composure after that stunt.

Have Miscarriage, Go to Jail?

I am so disgusted by this Virginia bill that I am having trouble typing a rational enough entry to get word out. The title is no joke, Republican Delegate John Cosgrove is trying to pass a bill which will essentially criminalize women for having a spontaneous miscarriage and failing to report such a traumatic and intensely private experience to the police.

Failing to report a miscarriage to the police is to be classed as a class 1 misdemeanor. The article linked to above states:

"Does the punishment fit the ?crime??
Suffering a miscarriage is no crime, but Delegate Cosgrove wants to make it a crime for a woman to fail to violate her own privacy in the first 12 hours after a miscarriage, so let?s look at his proposed penalty.

Cosgrove's bill says, ?A violation of this section shall be punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.?

Let's see. What other crimes are punishable as Class 1 misdemeanors in Virginia? A cursory Google search reveals just a few...

A person 18 years of age or older engaging in consensual intercourse with a child 15 or older not his spouse, child or grandchild (more commonly known as "statutory rape")

burning or destroying a building or structure if the property therein is valued at less than $200 (arson)

a bomb threat made by someone younger than 15

carrying a concealed weapon while under the influence of drugs or alcohol

possession or distribution of fraudulent drivers? licenses or official identification

stalking

threatening any public school employee while on a school bus, on school property, or at a school-sponsored activity

purchasing or providing alcohol to minors

So, Delegate Cosgrove is basically saying that failing to violate your own privacy within 12 hours of a miscarriage is the criminal equivalent of statutory rape, arson, stalking, and other serious crimes.

The authorized punishments for convictions for a Class 1 misdemeanor in Virginia are ?confinement in jail for not more than 12 months and a fine of not more than $2500, either or both.? "

Please, anyone who reads this... Get the word out, if you know anyone in Virginia, tell them what is trying to be passed and ask them to call their senator. Do not let something like this happen in a country that claims to base itself on principles of freedom of individuals.

Right now I have to go talk to Matt, who was lucky enough to get yelled at for trying to make nice conversation with me when I was busy re-living my own miscarriage of a couple of years ago and filled with inarticulate rage at the state of reproductive rights in this country.

PS - Happy New Year, if the political climate this year keeps going the way it did in 2004...We may just emigrate to Canada.