Thursday, January 20, 2005

My Ass Is a Global Threat

No, I'm not having an attack of gas. I'm referring to the message projected by the outfit of a high-schooler I drove past this morning on my way to the freeway.

Again, I'm pretty sure that whatever you're thinking, I didn't see THAT. I am not about to post a rant ridiculing someone's large ass, that would be pretty darn hypocritical. I am about to ridicule what highschoolers wear, which is a much more socially acceptable form of rantage.

My first view of this girl was from behind, as I was creeping up a hill in a line of traffic and she was walking up the same hill. It looked like she was wearing a red plaid bodystocking with a black loin-cloth-style butt flap. That's why she caught my attention. For one thing, I figured a bodystocking would not be very warm in the chilly East County morning, or pass muster for school decency rules, but it was mostly because it was bright red plaid. Bright red plaid framing a large black rectangle hanging from her waist like a flag on a balcony.

As I got closer I realized that it was, in fact, thick leggings tucked into her sneakers, but the butt flap thing was still there, still just as weird. In fact, as I got closer I was able to read the message scrawled accross the rectangle of black canvas. It said GLOBAL THREAT in a scratchy spattered-paint looking font.

What type of fashion statement is being made by wearing a banner on your butt that says "GLOBAL THREAT"? I wonder if she got mocked for this outfit, or if her friends thought it was great, and themselves started to wear butt-banners with snappy slogans on them.

It's official: I'm a fuddy duddy. I'm bewildered by the clothing choices of teenagers. Though I still reckon it's ok to be bewildered by this particular fashion statement, it's only getting really bad if I start freaking out at kids with nose rings and spiky hair, or comment that someone needs a haircut and a nice shirt from the GAP to smarten them up a bit.

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