Friday, June 20, 2008

Yellow Fluorescence Becomes Her

MyPicture.jpg, originally uploaded by Rosemary Grace.

I'm wearing makeup today because Wednesday was our third wedding anniversary, and after work today we're going to go out for sushi and a movie to celebrate.

This is the first time in two years that I have put makeup on for fun, because I felt like eyeshadow and sparkly eyeliner, without the foremost though being "I could use some concealer on that scar, I don't want to look like madame knife-fight for this event". After the surgery I made a conscious decision not to begin wearing makeup everyday, because it felt like camouflage, it felt like trying to sanitize myself so as not to unsettle people with the marks of The Big C. I was never a daily makeup wearer, why change?

I did change though, I still put on makeup for events or parties, but my focus shifted from having fun playing up my baby blues to painting out the flaws in the hopes of passing for undamaged. Melodramatic language yes, but it's how I felt. The scar is still the first thing I see almost every time I look in a mirror. Not every time though, I'm making progress, I'm beginning to catch myself glancing in a mirror, patting down a stray hair, or smoothing my eyebrows, and going about my business without even scanning my cheek.


Isabelle said...

You look so pretty, makeup or not. What beautiful eyes you have.

Happy anniversary.

Stace said...

Isabelle's right, you are very pretty. I wouldn't worry about the scar... loads of people have more obvious things on their face, like birthmarks or massive moles or they're just plain ugly!

As I haven't been reading your blog right from the start, etc, do you mind my asking how you came by the scar in the first place?

Rosemary Grace said...

Thankyou both!

Stace, I had a small melanoma on my cheek at the beginning of 2006, the medical standard is to remove 2.5cm of tissue on either side of the site of the cancer, so I had a 5cm wide oval taken out alongside my nose, and a lymph node biopsy just under my jawline. They got it all , but it was very scary.

Stace said...

Wow! Better a scar than melanoma ;) I've had two things removed (a wart and a mole), neither cancerous, but the procedures themselves were still kinda scary. I was only a kid!

K said...

Your scar is certainly not what I remember of your face from when I met you. I'm not doubting that it's obvious to you, but... these things are always huge and glaring if they're yours, but much less noticeable to the world at large. And to those who love you.

And yes, you do have lovely eyes. I hope you had a nice anniversary celebration!

Rhonwyyn said...

Either you piled on the makeup with a trowel or my eyes are failing me because I don't see a scar on your face at all. If you hadn't said you had one, I wouldn't have noticed, but you said you had one, so I looked. And can't find it.

Congrats on making it three years! Nowadays, that's a big accomplishment.