Saturday, December 06, 2008

Security Hat

Urchin Front, originally uploaded by Rosemary Grace.

I finished this hat on Thursday night, and I don't want to take it off. Friday I had my regular checkup with the Dermatologist, and he removed two more moles to biopsy, which is good, because they're off, and I don't have to keep an eye on them any more. Until the biopsy results come in it's difficult not to worry and expect the worst. Even if neither one contains melanoma, they are likely to be "abnormal" and require more tissue to be removed.

One is from my right cheek, the sticky bandage starts just below where this photo cuts off, the last straggler mole left behind after everything else got taken for biopsy when I had the cancer diagnosis. The other was on my left ring finger, right above where my wedding band lives. I had some trouble getting my wedding band off.

After the appointment, I went to work, and got really upset, mostly worrying about the possibility of the one on my finger coming back as abnormal, how do you take a half centimeter margin of skin surrounding the biopsy from a finger that's only a couple of centimeters across? Typing was difficult because of the gauze taped around my finger, then I got a mildly snippy email from a professor we share some expensive equipment with and I just started to cry. Maybe I should have gone home after I got biopsied, but if I plan to take a day off every time I have a dermatologist appointment it would get a bit ridiculous.

Fortunately I work with a really nice bunch, though it's always embarrassing to be weepy, they all know something of the ongoing saga, last year I had the impressive red marks on my face from the laser treatments every month, and this August I had stitches on my arm from another abnormal mole. I emailed my boss to say I was going for a walk before the weekly meeting, and went to find my fellow knitting nerd Fiametta to come get coffee with me. She suggested I talk the doc into taking off every mole we can find, get it over with all in one go, part of me is tempted.

So I'm sitting on the sofa in my pajamas and new orange hat, trying not to mope about my sore finger (funny that I'm barely concerned about having stitches on my face now - it's the FINGER that bugs me), and reminding myself that there is no point worrying, especially when I have finals in a week and a half. Which is when the biopsy results will come in too, I'm not sure if that's such a good thing, but the timing can't be helped. Mutant moles and cancer threat notwithstanding, life goes on.

Besides, I have my hat to protect me


Isabelle said...

Oh, you poor little thing. I mean, I realise I'm much littler if we're talking shortness. But you shouldn't have to worry about things like that at your age.

I hope you get very good news. I like your hat. And you have beautiful eyes.

K said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry to hear this is still going on. I think I'd be tempted to go with Fiametta's suggestion, or at least to ask the doc if it's a possibility.

Sore fingers are immensely irritating at the best of times. Fingers that are sore for stressful reasons are worse.

The hat is great. I'm a believer in the power of protective hats myself (currently wearing a bandanna on my head which makes me look like I have just escaped from Communist Russia. But it's easier to work with warm ears).

Fingers crossed for you.

Stace said...

Trust in the hat, and all will be well. I'm sure it'll all be fine anyway, we humans have a tendency to worry and believe the worst. Hang in there, and keep smiling! :) (And keep wearing the hat.)