Thursday, February 11, 2010

An embarrassment of bacon riches


The Banner, originally uploaded by Rosemary Grace.

The banner Matt picked for my surprise party two weekends ago, with the fairy lights we always have up in the archway between the living and dining areas. Matt also took this photo.

He took me to lunch on the Saturday, sushi and white wine by the San Diego Bay, and when we returned I was greeted by 15 friends with noisemakers, who had been hanging out in our flat, setting up and drinking beer for about 2 hours. Everyone was already quite merry! I got lots of hugs, a gorgeous handmade peacock pearl necklace and earrings set (made by a friend), fresh roasted coffee, a giant bag full of odd skeins of pretty yarns (each skein more than sufficient for a hat or mittens), a crochet scarf, and a pound of bacon. Which is apparently the new 30th birthday tradition in some circles of my friends.

I’ve put in my paperwork to graduate in May, but I’m behind in my thesis writing. I need to get in gear now so I don’t end up dragging this on and having to wait till after the summer to defend, and graduate a whole six months later.

My problem is I’m burned out on the grad school thing, I just want to move on already and have a steady job, I'm still struggling with the mild-moderate depression, mostly in the form of anxiety issues, and I’m in this state when I’m kind of numbing out from everything. I haven’t been to my regular dance class for 3 weeks, I’m barely knitting, and I’m burning a lot of time zoning out in front of the TV or on the web. So I get home from work or class, and flop on the couch with a cat & my laptop and/or switch on the telly. This is often accompanied by a glass of wine, or a beer, which is relaxing, but also kills my resolve to get any writing done.

By Monday I have to, no beating about the bush, no excuses, get a 10-12 page introduction written, I have 2 pages and some notes. My plan is to get a new arriving-home routine: a brisk walk around the courtyard at my building, wash my face, use the neti pot thing that protects me from stabby sinus pain, and treat it like a restart to the day. Then sit AT A TABLE and, you know, work on my thesis.

Today I was scheduled to work a half day, and I managed to get home, make lunch, and start making progress on pulling together demographics for my study population. It’s like pulling teeth to focus on this stuff, pathetic! I will call this an initial win for actually breaking my routine a little.

Tomorrow’s goals: get up with Matt in the a.m., continue with demographics tables for at least an hour before heading to my hiking date to climb Cowles Mountain with a coworker. After the hiking date do something school related, be it more tables, working on outline, or working in intro.

2 comments:

K said...

A lot of fellow-feeling is heading your way. I am also wishing that my thesis would just write itself and let me get on with my life. We WILL get there!

Isabelle said...

Good for you - stiffen your resolve. I was going to say that K is in a similar position but she beat me to it!

Hope it's going well.