But I just finished my statistics homework earlier than usual, Matt's gone to the corner to buy cola (for to put some rum in it), and I just had two tequila-lemonades and am feeling relaxed and happy, and altogether not focused enough to make practical clothing decisions for the next week in Pennsylvania, let alone decide which CDs I want to take on the plane with me. Yes I said CDs. I have no iPod or similar, I am still using CDs and my lovely noise-canceling headphones, which are the best thing for making plane travel bearable. I didn't realize until the first transatlantic trip with the new headphones how much of the discomfort of travel is involved with the white noise of the jet engines. At least for me.
Things are settling down from the past month of job insecurity and wonderings. Matt starts his new job Dec 8th, between now and then we have a week in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving, and then he's going to be using up his vacation hours from the "old" job until he starts his new one. He's already getting a significant raise, and today his new supervisor said "oh, HR has you set at a lower salary than the minimum for your job title, we'll have to fix that" totally matter of fact, since he's already taken the job for sure. If she sets it to the range she's referring to, technically, I won't have to work. So this means grad school for me is completely financially viable.
This time last year I decided that I would go to grad school. Right away. GRE in January. Application submitted in March. Start classes in September. Leap up and fling myself into a new path! Then I got a cancer diagnosis that January and cancelled my GRE test.
So now I am trying to maintain calm while planning my future path. I have substandard grades from my BSc, so I need to take the first class on my target Masters degree program, and get an A in it, to supplement my application. I need to take the GRE, and do well in it, to counteract my grades from 1998-2001. I need to work on a fantastic application essay, and schmooze some great referral letters from high muck-a-mucks a the university. All of these are attainable, but I have decided to take them one at a time, and to tackle them after I take a break to focus on myself and build a stable foundation for all of this work. I'm still struggling with depression. When I brought this up to Matt he agreed that giving myself the next 6 months to focus on counseling and getting to the gym, making the next half year or so about taking good care of myself, that it could pay dividends for years to come.
Pay your self first.