Wednesday, January 02, 2002

There's a lot of things needing to be said or thought through right now, going into them while I'm at work is most likely not going to happen. That's one of many reasons it probably won't go up *here* added to the fact that much of it may come out as accusation when it's not intended to be so. I've used this forum to accuse before, though mostly it was the action of yelling it out that was the most important. So if I do happen to "talk" it out here, it's not aimed at anyone, it's my need to talk.

January 6th, epiphany, will be a new start for us three, moving into the new apartment and setting down our roots for at least 12 months. Considering I've been pretty much in transit since the end of August that's a big step forward. The 6th was supposed to be a different kind of new start, on the other side of the continent, but that path is gone. Not closed off, simply not there. The realisation of what we had planned to be happening this week, and what ended up happening, hit me hard last night. There's still an internal battle between feeling like a fool for letting myself be blind for so long, and anger/resentment for being so ill used. Whichever one is on top temporarily, mostly it just plain hurts.

No comments: